The most precious gift

52 hours of labor. The worst 52 hours of my entire life. Labor is suppose to be exciting and a wonderful moment. This labor was terrifying. I spent those 52 hours with my heartbreaking, wondering if you were going to make it out alive or not. Every second I thought, will she cry? Will she breath? When they started the pitocion I was a little excited. I was glad to get things moving and happy this scary time would be over soon. Then, when the doctor checked me and I was 1 centimeter, I burst into tears. It was really happening. There was no stopping it, you were coming to matter what.

The doctor who broke my water was hard to read. When she broke it there was a weird look on her face and she wasn't answering my questions. Moments later my room was filled with people. I heard someone say, "the heart rate has been down for 3 minutes" but no one was talking to me. I was rushed down the hallway to the operating room. There I was told if your heart rate didn't come up we would have you by c-section. I was also told that if I couldn't be numbed quickly enough I would just be put out for the procedure. I asked how long I would be out for and when I could see you, again, no answer.

I was numbed up to neck. It was so strange. I could not feel myself breathing. I kept asking "am I breathing?" but of course I was if I was talking! I was shaking so much which I was told was from the medicine. And then we waited. The doctor was staring at the monitor waiting for you heart rate to come back up. I wanted them to stop waiting and to just do the c-section, I didn't want to take any chances. But the doctor was patient and a few minutes later you were stable.

We waited longer for the contractions to start again and when they did I was told to push. This made no sense to me. I was numb from then neck down, how could I push? The doctor told me to try so I did. And you started to come. "Look down at your baby!" the doctor yelled and I tried but you were so little that I couldn't see you over my pregnant belly.

I was afraid of how you would look. Would a baby this early look normal? Then you came, and it was the most beautiful site I have ever seen. I was not allowed to hold you but the doctor held you up for me to see. Your little face was perfect and you had beautiful brown hair. You were little, but you looked so strong. I was in love the instant I saw you. Looking at you I knew you were a fighter. It was going to be a long road, but at that moment I knew you would be ok. There you were, 13 weeks premature and the most beautiful, most amazing gift this world has ever seen.